Rooms On Fire
by thewisdomtooth
Summary: Her willingness to sacrifice herself to save her son from Pan places Regina in a Netherworld. To save her the people she has loved and harmed need to learn to deal with a woman they never really knew existed.
1. Chapter 1

**I do not own OUAT or any of the characters therein. All rights remain with the legal owners**

Chapter 1

It's like a sledgehammer. The truth whirls and batters her again and again, stealing the breath from her lungs. They hadn't intended this, oh God, they had never intended this.

"Emma?"

Her mother's voice breaks through the fog and forces her to move. Lifting Regina and motioning with her head that Henry should follow, she cradles his mother's body to her chest and slowly moves down the beach towards the boat. The laboured breaths she can feel against her neck only provide scant reassurance that Regina is still with her.

Reaching the shore Emma stumbles; David and Snow see her coming and, with a care that still surprises her, David reaches for Regina. Accepting her from Emma's arms he lifts her into the boat and gently lays her on the bench just under the stern gunwale.

It was taking all she could not to scream, but a look at Henry gives her what she needs to hold it together. The vacancy in his eyes speaks of the state of shock he is in. If ever Henry had needed her it was now. He had witnessed Regina's willingness to sacrifice herself for him before, but this was the first time that he was witnessing the aftermath of her selfless determination to keep him safe.

David starts herding them towards the boat. His "Come on, we need to get back to the ship" has Emma guiding Henry to the boat where Snow helps them in. Henry heads straight to the stern to sit with Regina. Part of her wants to move him, take him away and shield him from this, but she can see his need, the desire to be close to his mother. So, instead, she moves to sit behind him hoping her presence can impart some solace to him because, God knows, she doesn't have the words to do so.

"Emma, why won't she wake up?"

Words were still deserting her, so Emma just shakes her head and pulls Henry into her arms hoping that this makes up for the fact she can't answer, stroking his back as she tries to calm his shivering. Throughout the previous two years Henry had shown a level of understanding and maturity that made it all too easy to forget that he was still a child; his question reminds her how incredibly young he still is.

Looking over to her parents she sees them each hauling on an oar, synchronising their pulls without having to speak. David smiles sympathetically at her as Snow speaks.

"Henry, we'll be back to the ship soon and get Gold to see what he can do. I promise, we won't leave anything to chance Henry, we will do _everything_ to heal her."

Emma hears the emphasis Snow places on 'everything' while Henry just nods. She can see he's simply reacting to the sound but not understanding as his eyes are fixed on Regina's pale face. The voyage to Neverland had shown her that the relationship between Snow and Regina was far more complex than she had imagined. There was a shared understanding, a respect between the two women that had never been wholly subsumed in hate, vengeance and pain. It left Emma with a strange longing for what the relationship between these two women could have been had they been allowed the opportunity to love each other as their hearts initially led.

Looking back down at Regina, Emma stifles the sob that rises. She has been dubbed the _Saviour, _but all she sees before her is a woman who now deserves that title so much more. Again and again Regina has placed her life on the line to protect them, absorbing death curses, holding back triggers and now, Jesus, now delivering her life force to Pan. Emma knows that Regina's recent actions can't atone for the torment and pain she once unleashed upon the world, but she also knows that her willingness to sacrifice herself was not an attempt to gain forgiveness. No, Emma knows now that Regina's actions had been motivated only by love - an immutable and unconditional love for the boy that sits shivering in her arms.

So she reaches for Regina's hand, holding her wrist softly to feel the slow pulse that tells her that, despite the blood, her son's mother still lives.


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: This story came from my continuing frustration/anger with one aspect of a show that I otherwise love. That frustration centres round the continued downgrading of an adoptive parent's love – as if this is somehow substandard to that of a blood relation. It's also SQ, simply because I can't help myself. **

**Disclaimer: No, I haven't suddenly acquired OUAT (oh would that I could), the respective rights remain the property of the legal owners.**

The cries of "Gold" and "Rumplestiltskin" brought him onto the deck. At first he could only see Emma and Snow bracing themselves on the side as they attempted to bring something aboard. He could hear David below directing their efforts, but it wasn't until Henry's cry of "Help her, please!" that he was able to discern what, or rather who was being dragged aboard. Making his way to where they had gently laid her on the deck, he took a moment to silently assess her condition.

"What happened?" He had transferred back to the ship with Hook and Neal, ahead of the others, to release the protection cast over it and begin the spell that would allow them to return to Storybrooke. There had been no apparent danger when he'd left them on the beach.

"She," shaking her head, Emma found she was unable to say any more. David stepped up to his daughter squeezing her shoulder gently before taking over.

"Pan escaped somehow," he began.

* * *

It was agony. She knew she shouldn't be surprised at this; the constructs of the Netherworld were well known - the collective psyche of untold generations had shaped the magic of the cursed realm into a representation of punishment, abandonment and pain.

Yet, as the flames surrounded her, Regina was all too aware that knowing something and experiencing something can be two very different things. That she could _almost _feel the flames was tortuous. Experience teaches the mind that effect follows cause; so, in a world created by imagination, her mind's expectation of the heat, the burn and the pain was an effect just as excruciating as any reality.

And yet, she wouldn't change a thing.

* * *

"He arrived just as we were preparing the boat. Regina, she..." stopping to draw breath David looked at the women on the deck. Snow had Regina's head in her lap as Emma knelt by the feet of the woman who had once again proven them wrong. This strange pieta invigorated him somehow.

David had never been a man who looked too deeply into the motivations of others. In his world of fairy tales it had never been necessary; characters had been writ large and their intentions were open. Good versus evil didn't require a nuanced analysis. But the events of the last few months had robbed him of easy conclusions, and the sight of his wife and daughter, so obviously hurting for someone who had caused them irreparable harm, made him want to do his best. His best for them and his best for her.

"She bartered herself, her magic, in exchange for Henry." Looking at his grandson he could see the pain and guilt in the young eyes that held his.

"This was _not_ your fault Henry" he stated. "Your mom did this because _she_ chose to. Because she _loves_ you."

The words came easily much to his surprise. The evident truth of the statement was Regina's actions. For months he, and everyone else, had doubted the motives of the _Evil Queen._ But this, well this had been the actions of a mother, and her unresponsive body on the deck was the consequence of that mother's love.

Emma looked at her father and then her son. Taking in the need she saw there, she got up and walked over to where Henry stood.

"Henry, I know what you're thinking, but you're wrong." Emma drew him into her arms as she spoke. "There was nothing that you did, nothing that you could have done or done differently that would have changed your mom's mind." Holding him tighter she continued. "She loves you and you know that. She would do _anything_ to protect you, and you know that too. Pan is the _only_ cause of this."

David looked to Gold again and asked "Can we help her?"

Moving over to where Regina lay, Rumple bent down and placed one hand on her head and the other on her chest as he tried to gauge the extent of the damage. "What happened when she let him have her magic?" he asked.

Snow replied this time. "He wanted to save the magic of Neverland using Henry's heart, but Regina offered her own instead. He stuck his hand in her chest but he didn't take her heart he just seemed to drain her."

Rumple nodded; Greg and Tamara had tried to forcibly take Regina's magic in Storybrooke and, given what they now knew about the designs of the 'Home Office', it made sense that Pan might accept that as a substitute. "He wouldn't need her heart, taking one is a means of control. Pan wanted her magic and he could drain that from her, so, once he took that, she was no longer of use to him" he explained.

"What can we do?" It was the first time Neal had spoken since everyone got on board. He had no love for this woman, but, having watched the look of devastation on his son's face, he knew that he would do whatever was in his power to get Regina back.

Considering his response, Rumple placed his hands on Regina's head and chest again. "Her physical injuries are minor and will heal, but, in draining her magic, Pan took her essence and she is in a form of coma." Looking around everyone he continued, "Regina's soul retreated as Pan drained her, a form of self-protection if you will. She has used some of her own magic to, in effect, curse herself, placing her body into stasis and sending her soul to the Netherworld."

"But that means we can get her back, right?" Henry turned to his grandparents as he spoke. "I mean, you both woke each other from sleeping curses, so we can wake her too?" Turning then to Emma he pleaded "and you woke me."

"I wish it were that easy Henry." Speaking with a gentleness that still felt foreign to him, Rumple took Henry by the shoulders to turn him towards him. "Regina isn't cursed, it has the same effect as a curse, but she used a spell on herself. No kiss will wake her she needs to be able and want to reverse the spell herself. But, with her magic drained..." His voice trailed off.

It was Emma who broke the silence turning to Snow, "When we were in the Enchanted Forest we could communicate with whoever was in the Netherworld under the sleeping curse using the necklace." Facing Rumple she asked, "can we do that with Regina?"

"Yes, I imagine we can." Pulling the necklace over his head he watched it glittering in the moonlight. They had never been kind to each other, Regina had been a tool he needed to fully exploit while she had employed him as her means to vengeance. Looking at her now though, a parent who would do anything for her child, he felt something different stirring, a compassion and understanding that he had never allowed himself to feel for her before. This added a certainty to his next words "Yes, we can."


	3. Chapter 3

The loneliness felt crippling. In Storybrooke the isolation had been a matter of both circumstance and choice. However, there had always been that glimmer of light each morning, the daily hope that it would be today that Henry would choose to spend time with her. And he had, but it was never enough, never anywhere near enough.

She understood his hesitance, she'd hurt him. However, before his kidnapping he'd begun accepting that the hurt was unintentional and had started expressing his love for her again. Regina knew that they would still have had a lot of issues to work out, his hurt was deep; but her son still loved her, still believed in her and _nothing_ in her life was more important or had given her more hope than that.

Here though, hope was a memory. The flames consumed the air creating a vacuum that sucked away all of the joy and expectancy she'd felt rescuing Henry. Love remained, however. Oh God how love remained. The familiar twisting and turning of love to grief was a pain she knew intimately, but this pain had been _her_ choice for once. A decision she'd made willingly, despite knowing exactly what awaited her, because the alternative had been simply inconceivable; and that, _that_, well it made all the difference in the world.

Finding a corner of the room, Regina slid down the wall and sat watching the flames.

* * *

"But Emma, I _need_ to go first, I _have _to."

Henry had been arguing for the past hour, to whoever would listen. Emma understood his need, she could see a guilt in his eyes that just wouldn't leave no matter how many times they told that this was not his fault. Regina's choice was just that, _her_ choice. Even at the height of the antagonism and mistrust between her and Regina she had never doubted the woman's love for their son, her decisions yes, but never her love. Despite Emma's words, words she fully intended would wound, she knew Henry had been loved, was still loved by the woman lying on the bunk before them.

"Henry, I know you want to see your mom," she shook her head "I know you need to see her, but I can't let you go first." Sighing she tried to find the words to explain. "Your mom did this to protect _you_ and that is what I'm trying to do too. I need to protect you and that means that I can't let you go first because we don't know what we'll be stepping into. Believe me, your mom would say exactly the same thing because that's all either of us want - _your _safety."

He looked ready to argue again so Emma stopped him as taking his face between her hands, "I will let you go to her, I promise; I want you to see her, but please, just let me make sure it's safe first, okay?" Despite the slump of his shoulders he nodded, not happy with the decision but accepting. Emma turned to the others in the cabin. "So, how should we do this?"

Snow looked to Rumple and asked "Is it safe for her?" It was now Emma's turn to look like she wanted to argue, but Snow cut her off with a look. It was a look that said 'You're _my_ child'. She had no intention of stopping Emma, when she'd told Henry that they would do everything to get Regina back she had meant it and she still meant it now. Snow just wanted to do for Emma what Emma was doing for Henry, protecting her child.

"As safe as a journey to the Netherworld can be" Rumple replied. "She won't be hurt in the same way as you were" he said to Snow, "dream visitors experience a less intense variant of the Netherworld, but no visitor can stay too long. That realm is designed to trap your soul, so I will have to place a spell on you," he said to Emma. "It'll allow us to wake you more quickly when we need to pull you back."

Taking a deep breath Emma held her hand out for the necklace. Having secured it round her neck she went to embrace her parents before going back over to Henry. "I'll be back soon, what would you like me to say to your mom?" He thought for a moment before saying "Tell her that I love her and I know she loves me. Tell her I've already forgiven her for everything and I hope she can forgive me too." She knew she could say something about Regina never having blamed him for anything, and it would be true; but she also knew that it wasn't her reassurance or words her son needed. He needed to hear his mom's words, hear her tell him there was nothing to forgive. So, instead, she just hugged him hard and said "I love you and I will tell her."

She lay on the other bunk in the cabin as Rumple waved his hand over her putting her to sleep.

* * *

She was aware that time must have passed, but couldn't determine how long or short the period had been. She wasn't even sure if time proceeded as it did outside the Netherworld. Thoughts of time, of life and all the things she took for granted simply because they just _are,_ were added sources of pain. Minor by comparison to the feelings of loss and grief, but there nonetheless. It was always the case, she mused, that the loss of something so constant, something you are not usually consciously aware of, would start to press on you when it was changed or lost.

The flames seemed to be burning brighter, a few had flared before, pushing her further from the centre of the room until she ended up here sitting with her back against the wall. This flare up seemed different though, she could almost make out shapes in the flames.

As she watched those abstract flickers of shapes began to coalesce into something more. The flames seemed to unite to form legs and a torso, and these were soon joined by more that appeared to be shaping arms and a head. It wasn't until she could discern what looked to be long flowing hair that Regina recognised the form taking shape. A sob choked her, was this a new form of torture? Not only would she have to reside here with memories to torment her, she was now to be plagued with creations of the flames as well?

But more and more flames were converging on the figure. Then, just as suddenly as they had come together, the flames retreated. She looked on in wonder as before her eyes a seemingly solid and alive Emma Swan stepped forward.

"Emma?" Her question was laced with a hesitancy that was alien to who she was. This, however, was something she had not been prepared for; part of her wanted to reach out and test what this apparition was, but a much larger part shrank away from doing so. The fear of being wrong, the fear of still being isolated held her immobile.

Yet a single word was all it took for the dam to break.

"Hi."


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Thank you all for the reviews, follows and favourites. Each and every one means the world to me, so thank you! **

Emma stared. The look on Regina's face would have been priceless had circumstances been different. There was bewilderment, fear and, just possibly, a trace of hope. Smiling she took a couple of steps nearer to Regina. She knew what a killer hope could be; yes, it could sustain you in the darkest of times, but it also brought with it the chance you'd be destroyed.

"How?" Regina trailed off, confusion evident. "I came to see how you are" Emma said simply. "Gold had the necklace and charm, so we're using those."

"Is Henry?" She stopped, fear of the possible answer closing her throat. Emma nodded understanding the unspoken need. "Yes, he's safe."

The relief she felt in that moment was profound. Henry's safety was confirmation that, no matter how many times she needed to make it, such a choice was, is and would always be worth any amount of pain. Others may have seen her actions as '_worthy_', but Regina knew it was the only decision she could have made; its inevitability was her truth.

But this still left the question of why they would waste time in doing this. The query must have shown on Regina's face because Emma once again seemed to understand what hadn't been asked. "We needed to know that you're okay and if we can do anything to reverse this." Smiling slightly she added, "Henry was adamant that we try, he's safe, but he's devastated and I can't ignore that."

If anything the answer seemed to confuse Regina further, and it was in a moment of clarity that Emma grasped why. Despite the strength and determination that characterised all this woman did, for good or bad, and despite the seeming confidence with which she approached everything, Regina had little or no belief in the value she might hold for others. This was something Emma was familiar with. It wasn't simply that you found it hard to understand that you might _mean something_ to those around you, it was that you _couldn't_ believe that you would. It was heartbreaking really, the way life could turn you against yourself.

"He wanted to come here first you know, and it was hard telling him that we needed to make sure it was safe before I let him." A small chuckle preceded Emma's next words "That impatience is all you, you know." She sobered now though, a compassionate light burning in her eyes.

"He asked me to tell you that he loves you and he knows you love him." The look on Regina's face forced her to pause; pain and joy were warring there, bringing tears that she just knew Regina would rather not be shedding in front of an audience. Forcing herself not to look away, she went on. "He also wanted me to say that he has forgiven you for everything, and..." This was the hard one. "And, he hopes that you've forgiven him too."

Regina had been looking down, but at the final part of Henry's message her head shot up. "What?"

"Regina, he needs to know you've forgiven him."

"But, there was never anything to..."

Emma interrupted her saying "I know that, but your son believes that he needs your forgiveness and I'm going to give you and him every opportunity to make sure that happens."

She was stunned by the vehemence in Emma's voice so could only reply with a soft "Thank you." It seemed enough for Emma though.

"So, this is your new place then? Hmm, cosy." It wasn't a question obviously, but she appreciated Emma trying to lighten the situation with humour even if the attempt was weak. She was still trying to hold her emotions in check, trying not to allow herself to hope.

There wasn't anything hopeful about where she was. Regina knew what she had done to place herself here, knew exactly the consequences of that. Unwilling to allow her soul to fall to Pan, she'd used a small remainder of her magic to cast herself here. It had been a small insubordination, hardly worth mentioning really; Pan had taken all he wanted from her, her soul was an irrelevance. But to Regina, to her it had been the last defiant act of a once great monarch even if it was ultimately pointless to everyone but her.

Emma could see the despondency settle on Regina. She'd smiled slightly at her quip, but the lightening was fleeting. Deciding to move on to the other reason she was here she said, "Can we reverse this, bring you back?"

She watched as Regina shook her head.

"No, I don't have the power to reverse the spell." She smiled at the blonde, trying to convey some sense of peace, something that would make this easier for her son. "Please just tell him that," but the sob formed so she couldn't continue.

Emma realised that they were almost replaying their conversation in the mines, and, just as then, she was struck by the beauty of Regina. Even here, even now she was still trying to protect her son, shield him from the pain of losing his mother. Emma could see the attempts she was making to gather herself, the attempts to find the words that would make this easier for Henry.

"Tell him I love him, and that his forgiveness is the best thing I have ever been given. But tell him that he's done nothing that needs my forgiveness; but if he believes he needs it then tell him he has it every time, a thousand times over." She held Emma's eyes as if the force of her stare would somehow carry her words directly to Henry. The soft "I will," she heard in response caused her to look down again. There was only so much sympathy or compassion she could bear right now, no matter how well meant.

"Regina!"

The call of her name drew her eyes back. Emma was fading from sight, but her voice remained strong as she said "I'm going to let him come." But there was no opportunity to respond because she was gone and the flames had returned to the space were she'd stood.

With no one around to see she let her tears flow freely.

* * *

With a gasp Emma woke. Taking a moment to get her bearings, she looked around at the faces hovering close to the bunk before focusing on Henry. She could see the myriad of emotions displayed clearly on his young face. Breathing deeply she knew that she had to choose her words carefully, choose precisely.

"Your mom is okay. Her soul is trapped just now, but she's still her." Sitting up she pulled him into her arms before continuing.

"I gave her your message, and she loves you Henry, so, _so much_." Grasping him more closely she prayed that her next words would assuage the guilt that her son felt. "Your forgiveness is the best thing she has ever been given, and she doesn't blame you for _anything_ Henry."

He pulled out of her grip slightly at that, his eyes flickering over her face as he tried to gauge the sincerity of her words. Seemingly satisfied he allowed Emma to pull him back into the embrace.

"But she also said that, whenever you need it, you have her forgiveness a thousand times over."

Emma listened as her son's sobs filled the cabin. Rocking him gently she just held on willing him to let her absorb his pain in her arms. Lifting her head she looked round the cabin again, seeing the sympathy in the eyes of her family, she made a vow. She _would_ find a way to reverse this and bring Regina home.


End file.
